


maps

by odasakunosuke



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Characters Are Mentioned, Spoiler for Haikyuu 392, This scene is canon because Furudate told me so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:34:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24115108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odasakunosuke/pseuds/odasakunosuke
Summary: Looking at Bokuto, Akaashi found himself wishing he'd never come here in the first place. His mouth opened, then closed. He had so many things to say, he had so many feelings to express ever since that ball hit the floor, so delicately, and at the same time so harshly as it crushed all their dreams. And yet, his voice wouldn't come out.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 24
Kudos: 216





	maps

The first thing Akaashi felt was the feeling of the rain on his bare arms. Now that he was thinking about it, he barely knew where he was, and why he was here in the first place.

A few days ago, Bokuto's spike had gotten blocked, and the referee had officially announced the end of the Spring Tournament, Fukurodani claiming second place. After that, Akaashi didn't remember what happened. It felt unreal, as if it was all a dream and that Akaashi's life and dreams had been taken away from him and that since then, he hadn't felt anything. The only thing he could taste during his meals was this bitter flavor that was burning his throat every time he swallowed.

Konoha had talked to Bokuto, while Akaashi simply watched. They'd thanked the crowd, congratulated the winners and after that, they'd tried to celebrate despite the hot feeling of tears on their faces and then, they'd all gone home. Just like that, it was all over.

Since then, Akaashi had felt like he was simply floating around, with no specific goal or any motivation. Their groupchat was still active, but when Akaashi glanced at their texts, he could only think of his teammates' heartbroken faces, and the pain in his chest was so intense he'd decided to turn his phone off for today.

Right. He was supposed to run a couple of errands for his mother. He hadn't even bothered to change into casual clothes. He'd just put a hoodie on and thought it was already an impressive effort, considering that recently his days were just a vicious circle of him sleeping, reading to keep himself busy, painfully looking away from the framed picture of the Fukurodani team on his desk, and sleeping again. Even eating found itself being a pain.

He opened the bag he was carrying, making sure he'd bought everything. It was already quite late in the evening, and he certainly didn't want to go out again when they'd announced that the weather would be getting worse. Now, looking around him, he realized that he'd spaced out and was most certainly _not_ on his way home but in front of his high school.

From where he stood, he could also see that the gymnasium's doors were opened, which wasn't normal considering that nobody was supposed to be here on Sunday. Which meant that a thief was trying to take something, but Akaashi couldn't think of anything important to steal here. He, instead, concluded that someone was inside, conclusion which caught his attention. Akaashi tried to push open the gates, but they remained closed. The only option was that he, a model student, had to climb over them if he wanted to pursue his investigation.

And he, a model student, really didn't give a shit about rules right now.

Thunder struck right when he landed on the other side of the gates and Akaashi felt as if after doing this, his life would never been the same. Maybe he'd get expelled. At this point, it wouldn't even make him feel bad. Better end his suffering quickly. He couldn't imagine himself studying a whole year here, without the others.

His heart ached again as he approached the gymnasium. When he'd joined Fukurodani, he'd never thought he'd feel so many emotions. He thought Bokuto was amazing, and that this team had potential, but he'd have never guessed he'd grow so fond of it. He'd never thought it'd hurt so much.

Akaashi wiped the rain off his eyebrow with his sleeve. He dropped his bag on the ground when he reached the doors and saw who was standing inside. “Bokuto-san.” He said, voice almost a whisper.

Bokuto turned around. He was smiling, but Akaashi could see the dark rings under his eyes showing that he hadn't slept well recently. He didn't say anything, though. Akaashi's case wasn't better. “Oh hey, Akaashi. Watcha doing here?”

He glanced at his bag, then back at Bokuto. “I was running some errands when I found myself in front of the school. I saw the gymnasium wasn't closed, so I got curious.”

Bokuto snorted. After all these days, it sounded like a melody in Akaashi's ears. “I see. I wanted to return the keys, but then I realized I couldn't lock the doors if I left them inside, so I gotta wait tomorrow. Then I guess I kinda lost track of time.”

Looking at Bokuto, Akaashi found himself wishing he'd never come here in the first place. His mouth opened, then closed. He had so many things to say, he had so many feelings to express ever since that ball hit the floor, so delicately, and at the same time so harshly as it crushed all their dreams. And yet, his voice wouldn't come out.

“Ahhh, that was fun!” Bokuto exclaimed, his hands behind his head, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I wish it'd have lasted longer, though. But I'm proud of us! You'll have another chance next year.” Akaashi's hands clenched into fists, nails bitting his palms to distract him from the growing knot in his throat.

_But you won't._ Akaashi wanted to say. Nor Bokuto, nor most of the others. More than half of the team was going to graduate. _Bokuto_ was going to graduate, leaving him behind.

“Anyways. We should go or we're gonna get in trouble.” Bokuto grabbed the keys he'd left on the desk. His hand was shaking.

Akaashi bit his bottom lip. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Everything. His palms, his lip, his chest, his stomach, his throat, his eyes. The pain of the previous days came back and crashed into him like waves against rocks. Bokuto turned around, and looked at the empty gymnasium one last time.

They could still hear the sound of balls hitting the floor, sneakers squeaking as they tried to hit them, Bokuto's loud cheers and the constant teasing from the other members. Akaashi felt like a part of his existence would stay here, behind those soon closed doors.

Maybe if before this last point, he'd set higher and more precisely, they could've scored a few more points. Maybe if he'd been as strong as Kageyama, he'd have analyzed the other team better and would've known what to do. Maybe he could've done something, _anything_ , to help his team win.

Akaashi still had another year. On the other hand, the third years will soon graduate and nothing was ever going to be the same. They'll have to get used to normal lives, with no tournaments, no pressure that tasted so sweet and sour at the same time, no laughs shared together over a meal after a win. Nothing.

More than that, Akaashi was afraid. Afraid that they wouldn't keep in touch. Afraid to see his friends move on, and forget about him. Afraid to let Bokuto go, even if he wasn't his to begin with. Would Bokuto replace their memories with the ones he'll make with his future setter? Akaashi didn't have an answer. He didn't want to have one.

Something inside of him snapped at the idea of losing everything he's come to care so much about. Before he knew it, his eyes were firmly shut and he was bowing. “Thank you for letting me play with you!” He said, voice louder than he himself was used to. “Those last two years were the best of my life, and you played- no, you _play_ a huge role in this.” He could feel them, those tears he grew so accustomed to, spilling out of his eyes and falling on the floor under him.

“I love Fukurodani.” He continued. “I love it more than I thought I would. The team, the victories just like the defeats, I treasure all the memories we've made together. I'll never forget them.” An ugly sob came out of his mouth and he had to squeeze his teeth tightly together to avoid letting another one out. “I don't want it to end. I don't want to let go of it. I don't want Bokuto-san to go.”

With his hands, he tried to wipe away the tears on his face, only for them to be replaced by new, hot ones. He was an ugly crier, and breaking down in front of Bokuto was something he'd already done once. Doing it another time was his worst nightmare coming true.

Akaashi sniffled, his jaw hurting from how much he was clenching it. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't do anything.” He didn't know how long he stayed like that, let it be a couple of seconds, or an hour. When he straightened up and dared to open his eyes again, Bokuto was looking at him.

He was silently crying, too. But there was a rare, soft and small smile on his face, and his eyes were so warm. He was looking at him as if he'd done something Bokuto was proud of, and it made him cry harder. Then, he said, voice low and vulnerable: “Let it all out, 'Kaashi.” And that was all it took for Akaashi to take a step forward, wrap his arms around Bokuto's waist and hold on his jacket as if he was afraid Bokuto would vanish the next second.

Face pressed against Bokuto's shoulder, he let himself sob and tell Bokuto everything he'd ever wanted. He told him that Bokuto had been amazing, that he was the best player Akaashi had ever met and that it'd forever be the case, no matter what happens in the future and who he'd play against. Bokuto didn't say anything, but Akaashi could feel tears against his own neck, so he pursued.

Akaashi had never been good with people. They often told him it was hard to read him, and that nobody could quite understand him. And yet, when Akaashi was with Fukurodani, with Bokuto, he felt like he _belonged_ somewhere.

He felt like he was at home.

When Akaashi calmed down, the sun was long set and Bokuto hadn't moved, or said a word. They slowly pulled away, their eyes puffy and red but Bokuto was smiling again and Akaashi's lips turned upward, too.

“Will you go to my matches?” Bokuto asked.

“All of them.” Akaashi answered immediately, leaving no place for doubt. “I'll always be watching you.”

Bokuto sighed in relief. His eyes were focused on Akaashi's, and as if he'd read his mind, his deepest _fears_ , he said: “No one's going to replace you.”

Akaashi stayed silent for a couple of seconds. He thought about bottling things up, and hiding how he really feels again, because he didn't want to be a burden to anyone. Especially not after shitty days like that. But something inside of him told him to be honest, at least with Bokuto, so he gave in. “You'll meet other players and-”

“You gave me your 120%.” Bokuto interrupted.

Akaashi's eyes wide-opened a little bit. They'd joked about how intense they'd played after this game, but Akaashi would've never thought that it'd mean so much to Bokuto, or that he'd remember it. “I did.” He confirmed.

“No one else will. I told you your sets were the best, and I still mean it.” Bokuto laughed, a little, and put a hand on Akaashi's shoulder, squeezing it a bit. “I'm taking your forward with me, Akaashi!”

Akaashi stared at him, dumbfounded, before he put his fist in front of his mouth and covered his laugh. What he'd said sounded like a cliché coming from an action movie, some kind of superhero promising the others they'd be safe with him, and Akaashi found himself going along with it. “Let's go, then, Bokuto-san.” He said, extending his hand. Bokuto grabbed it and intertwined their fingers together.

Slowly, they made their way outside. Standing there, they looked at the gymnasium and Akaashi laid his head against Bokuto's shoulder.

It wasn't the end. It was just the start of another chapter of their story. One that they'd write together too. Just because the tournament had ended, doesn't mean that their story had, too. With Bokuto's hand squeezing his, Akaashi felt the knot in his throat disappear. 

They were going to walk side by side forward together, Bokuto going pro, and Akaashi by his side, supporting him every day of his life. One of their dreams had been crushed, but they still had so many to achieve and Akaashi knew succeed, one day. As long as they were together, nothing and no one could stop them.

“Er... Akaashi...” Bokuto was scratching the back of his head with his free hand. His ears and cheeks were red. “Y'know I like you, right? Because I know I'm pretty obvious, the team has often told me I wasn't even trying to hide it but... do I have the right to jump on conclusions, right now?”

Akaashi looked at Bokuto, and then at their hands, before his entire face turned red too when he realized the current situation. Of course he knew. He'd known for quite some time, actually. He'd just never dared to take the first step because Bokuto liked _him_ without knowing that Akaashi had liked him for much longer. He also couldn't believe his feelings were reciprocated, because Bokuto was just so good, and Akaashi was lucky. “I.. I know.” Akaashi looked away, face burning. “And well... You can. How I feel about you is kind of clearly explicit right now.”

Next to him, Bokuto beamed, the smile on his face reaching his eyes this time, and it made Akaashi's heart hurt but in a positive way. Before Bokuto could say anything embarrassing, like screaming his name out loud and crushing his bones in a hug, Akaashi leaned in and chastely pressed his lips against Bokuto's before pulling away.

One second passed, then two. Bokuto had frozen and Akaashi let out an embarrassing squawk. “I-I'm leaving first!” He said as he grabbed his bag again and put his hood on, trying to cover most of his flushing face.

“W-W-Wait!” Bokuto was about to follow him, but then he remembered about the doors, clumsily closed them and ran after his lover. “Akaashi! Lemme walk you home! And let's do this again! Akaashi! You heard me?” He yelled, trying to catch up after Akaashi who'd already reached the gates.

Under his hood, Akaashi was nodding, hands against his embarrassingly hot face as he tried to understand where this boldness had come from. But then Bokuto's arm was around his neck, all his thoughts disappeared and he felt his heart beat faster.

The second thing Akaashi felt was the feeling of Bokuto's lips against his cheek. Now that he was thinking about it, he perfectly knew where he was, and why he was here in the first place.

Akaashi belonged with Bokuto, and Bokuto belonged with Akaashi.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading this! This chapter broke me, made me feel alive again, and then crushed my soul and then I thought "hey, as if it wasn't sad enough.. why don't you write bokuaka angst?" so here we go! It's my first time writing about bokuaka (and I'm already making them suffer...) so I hope you liked it!
> 
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> here is my [twitter](https://twitter.com/akechjgoro) and my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Iinhardt)


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